Process, Not Product: Let Your Kids Try... and Fail

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I recently came across this article that was published back in March of 2021 when we were deep into the online learning process. As the education world takes a short detour back into the land of e-learning, the article felt relevant and worth reposting. So often we want our children to get it “right” − to be successful and to never know the sinking sensation that comes with being incorrect or not knowing the answer. But in pushing for perfection we unwittingly rob our children of valuable learning opportunities.

According to the Wall Street Journal, creativity and critical thinking are two of the “soft skills” most sought by employers, and they are skills that are learned through trial and error. Here is why you short-change your kids when you don't allow them to fail.

Recently, a friend shared with me that during remote learning her preschool-aged son had to prepare a project for the online portion of the class. When all of his fellow students presented their projects he was embarrassed because most of the other offerings were perfect … a little too perfect. In fact, it was pretty obvious parents had “helped” their kids make their projects. This is not the first time I have heard a story like this. Over and over again my fellow educators share stories of parents doing a child’s work or blatantly feeding them answers during live classes. I know it’s well-meaning on the part of these adults − everyone wants their kid to succeed! But, as an educator, I’m begging and pleading parents to stop!

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I’m about to get on a soapbox labeled “Process, Not Product.” Here is why this concept is important. For kids, especially young kids, school should not be about finding the correct answer. It should be about learning how to find the correct answer. It’s all about the process of trying something, getting a less than satisfactory product, and then trying something different. The “mistakes” are literally where the learning happens. Here are three things your child gains by doing things on their own, even if they have to struggle a little bit.

Creativity

Creativity can never develop if you are overly concerned with the end result or with “getting it right.” Can you imagine if Picasso’s mom had said, “The nose doesn’t go there”? Sometimes the strange stuff is the good stuff! So it doesn’t matter whether your child’s snowman looks like a snowman or like a puddle of white paint with ten eyes. It’s their snowman … and it’s great!

Problem Solving

Tenacity is a vital part of solving problems. Thomas Edison famously had over 2,000 designs for a light bulb that failed, and he burned through a small fortune creating them before he developed one that worked and made him a wealthy legend. The stakes are significantly lower for your first-grader, but the benefits of learning through trial and error are priceless. Letting your child try different things until they get a result they are happy with will serve them well in all their future endeavors.

Confidence

Confidence is a byproduct of hard-earned success … as well as failure.  Confident people walk into every situation knowing that no matter the circumstances, they can figure something out. No one hands them the right answers, and they get things wrong as often as not. But the important thing is they learn from their experience and do better next time.

Let me be clear: Valuing process over product doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help your child. They need you to encourage them, to point out holes in their logic, and to tell them you believe in them as you dust them off after they fall. But helping means guiding them, not doing something for them. When you are the coach and cheerleader to their quarterback you are giving them the ability to do the hard work of skill-building, self-evaluation, and learning from their missteps. Let them be proud of the work they did, and then help them confidently say, “Next time I will do even better!”

Images: Pexels

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